We’re on the weird part of the internet with this one, boys. I miss the days when I used to review anal videos, which was like, the weirdest part of my job. These days, it feels like the zoomers are taking shit too far. Today, we’re talking about NSFW ASMR videos. I’m not going to break down what that acronym stands for. It’s a complicated term for that simple little effect in your brain when you get a tingly sensation down your back and you feel sleepy. It sounds a lot like an orgasm, but it’s actually a lot more underwhelming. It’s not sexual; it’s just … relaxing.ASMR videos used to be a great tool to help you sleep. Now, they’re a great way to get your rocks off, apparently. I’ve never actually tried jacking off to ASMR videos, because I have access to actual porn and I’m not a teenager. I mean, I have jacked off to ASMR themed porn; that’s pretty dank. But, this review is about NSFW ASMR videos on YouTube. How raunchy could you really get on that platform before your video gets shot out of the water? Not a lot, really.Most of these videos are audio-only. Some of them have babes in a close-up, breathing into the camera. That about covers 99% of the content. I’m not going to lie – it’s hard to cover this kind of content, because it’s such a little niche fetish. It’s casual and relaxing, but I know people fap to it. So, I have to try and get into that mindset. I have to imagine what it’s like to be the kind of loser who jacks off to audio files of babes whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Maybe this type of content is made for deaf people. I don’t fucking know. Let’s jump into it.So Many DudesThe first thing you’ll notice among the NSFW ASMR videos on YouTube is that the majority of them are actually made by dudes, presumably for chicks and gay dudes. This was a real letdown for me. I guess you could just write in some specific search terms to weed them out, but you know I like to cover entire swathes of categories in order to find out what’s popular. Well, dudes are popular. I guess this makes sense, since women are known for liking really dumb kinds of porn. They don’t like watching penetration and they’re not into solo masturbation play. They usually watch sensual lesbian videos or gay shit like this.So what’s the actual content of these daddy vids? Are these burly Chads with deep voices whispering about how they’re going to turn you into a cock-slave? Nah. It’s mostly romantic shit made by boyish little twinks, half of whom have a foreign accent. I don’t mind the accent, but I can’t wrap my head around the young-sounding voices. I thought women liked their dudes to be manly. Deep voices are manly. What is with this pussy ass gay shit? Who gets off to this?All right, that’s enough complaining from me for now. If you’re into confident little twinks whispering sweet nothings into your ear, you’ll more than get your fill on YouTube. You don’t even have to look far. They’re literally the first result at any given point in time. Now, let’s scroll a bit further down and get to the titties.Tentacle GirlsI took this heading straight from the first video that had a girl in it. It’s some random bitch with a very small following of horny dudes. She’s got an entire series that’s episodic and tells the story of hot female monsters who are out to devour your cock. Most of the content is just her smacking her lips into her microphone. I guess the optimal way to enjoy this girl’s content is to lie back on your bed with your headphones in your ears and jack off while pretending she’s on top of you.She’ll occasionally give you some exposition, so you know who you are fucking and what the fuck is actually going on in the story. But, most of the actual audio is just her making kissing noises. There are also some sexual moans, but it’s not like she can straight up ask you to dick her without her videos getting banned by YouTube.These kinds of monster videos with stories and narratives are really common here and I guess they sort of appeal to nerds who like role-play. They’re pretty easy to get into and if you care about the actual story, they’re worth coming back to. There’s also no sign of a shortage. I’m seeing thousands of results here. These babes get really invested in the stories they write for you. They also really seem to like their microphones. I guess you can play pretend that they’re shoving the mics into their vaginas as you’re fapping along.Some Actual VideosIf you scroll far enough down these results, you’ll eventually find the actual videos that have babes in 4k on your screen. I wholeheartedly recommend these videos over the audio-only shit, because I am a visual learner and also, I like staring at chicks’ tits. Given the option, I’d always opt for the videos that actually show me babes. I’m a simple man. I see titties; I whip my dick out.These are actually pretty damn good. Unlike the audio tentacle shit, I can sort of see the appeal of jacking off to these kinds of NSFW ASMR videos. The format is pretty similar across different bitches’ channels. You see the babe in full view and she’s usually sitting really close to the camera. Plus, most of them use really high-resolution cameras, so you get a lot of quality. They also have the common sense to wear their cleavage super low, so you can get some titty action. They can’t flash their nipples, obviously, but they come as close as they can. They really want you to bust a nut.The videos are usually on the longer side – at least 20 minutes. Some of them run for a fucking hour. They get pretty innovative, too. Some try to give you the girlfriend experience; others go into a sort of BDSM or jerk-off-instruction direction, without out-right saying any adult shit. Again, I remind you, YouTube wouldn’t allow them to straight-up talk about cocks. But, they skirt the line as much as possible.I actually managed to find a few playlists in the results and I bless the dudes that went out of their way to make them. They found the hottest bitches on YouTube and put them all in one neat little list for you to fap to without having to go back to the results. Some of these babes got really innovative. They really try to cram in as much smut as possible without getting demonetized. One example is this masseuse bitch I found. She straight-up massages a naked chick in full view, but it’s all filmed from behind, so you can’t see the goods. Anyways, she rubs oil on her back for like half an hour while whispering sensual shit into the microphone. You can get better lesbian porn on a porn tube, but if you’re stuck on YouTube, you can easily blow a load to this content.Tons of Random ShitYouTube has always been appealing to content creators because it allows them to make whatever the fuck they want without limits. The same logic applies here, among the NSFW ASMR videos. These chicks and dudes are free to make any kinds of ASMR videos and just upload them for the world to see. And, they all have a freaking following. It doesn’t matter how depraved they are or how little sense they make.I found a fucking Among Us video in the first 10 results, for fuck’s sake. And no, it wasn’t a wrongly tagged fluke. It was an actual adult ASMR experience, by a chick, taking place entirely within the Among Us universe. It even had a picture of the damn game for extra immersion.You will never find this kind of randomness on a porn tube. Porn tubes are all about the cocks and pussies. YouTube, on the other hand, can be about whatever the fuck you want it to be. There’s also no shortage of storage or bandwidth on this site, so you know they’re just going to keep growing.You can have a problem sorting through the NSFW ASMR content, but that’s what personal playlists are for. Don’t be afraid to jump into some random dude’s favorite videos. You never know what kind of depravity you might run into.
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