I always thought hentai was some really geeky neckbeard shit. Why shake your dick at cartoons when you’ve got an entire world of HD hardcore pornography out there? I mean, shit, the free tubes have literally millions of hardcore anal flicks and teenage cherry poppings at your disposal, do you really want to bust out a bowl of sugary cereal and sit in front of the tube watching goddamn anime? Then again, the nasty pornographic toons on sites like Hentai.TV ain’t your typical, tired Pokémon bullshit.Hentai.TV is a relatively new site. The domain is only a couple of years old, and they didn’t pop up on my own radar until even more recently. Nerds always talk amongst themselves, probably on Reddit or some other site that doesn’t have women, so Hentai TV is already getting a couple of hundred visitors per day. It’s obviously kinky, freaky and dirty enough to catch somebody’s attention. Let’s see what it does for your old friend The Porn Dude.Kinkier Cartoons Than Adult Swim Ever HasI have to give Hentai TV props for their logo. It’s basically just a ripoff of the Pornhub logo, only the TV/Hub part has horns. It’s simple but effective; you also know it’s going to be some freaky hentai shit because hentai just ain’t that vanilla. It’s got horns!The thumbnails here are all manga, doujin, and HD porno anime videos. Let me tell you, the images I see make a pretty convincing case for kinky anime porn. Sure, it’s cartoons and not live, flesh and blood women, but this is definitely not the Saturday morning shit you let the kids watch while you’re hungover and trying to figure out if that Tinder girl gave you an STD last night.Let me start with the Latest Doujins row at the top. The first comic features some loli chick getting squished and maybe raped by a BBW with a unicorn horn, a nun and some smiling broad in a uniform I don’t recognize. The next one is about a sad but well-endowed cat girl with a leash around her neck. After that are a couple of lolicon and shotacon books that absolutely would not fly in a more realistic format. Finally, at the end of the row, there is a schoolgirl getting raped by a couple spooky, pale-skinned monster dudes.Shit. Say what you want about greasy geeks living in their mom’s basement and stroking off all over their anime body pillow girlfriends, but that’s actually pretty hot stuff. A lot of the stuff is genuinely impossible to film, to say nothing of the questionable legality of shooting it with real actors. The only company I can think of shooting anything remotely close to this in real video is that Czech company who does HorrorPorn.Better Than Beating Off to X-Men AgainI decided to check out that monster rape comic since I don’t see shit like that every day. The Tags include all kinds of depravity, like Anal, Bondage, Double Penetration, Lolicon, Shibari and Rape. This one is a parody of Kimetsu No Yaiba. I don’t know what the fuck that is, so I have no point of reference. All I know is that the chick already has some kind of gag over her mouth on the opening page.The comic reader on Hentai.TV is decent. You can scale the pages to fit your screen, and flip back and forth through the pages with the buttons on the top of the screen. By page 5, this chick is being restrained and having her clothes ripped off.The panties come off on page 7, and the monsters start talking about her beautiful pink hole. The comic is in black and white, so I have to use my imagination. I also have to use my imagination because it’s fucking censored, Goddammit!I seriously never understand why they censored doujinshi. Doujinshi is DIY porn manga, drawn in some neckbeard’s fucking basement. Do you censor your own sexual fantasies? I understand that officially released products coming out in Japan are required by law to cover up the cooters, but it just seems like embarrassing bullshit to cover up the good stuff in your own artwork. You fuckers come off like a bunch of little goddamn pussies. What the fuck are you afraid of?Show Me Some Real Anime Cunts!I went back to the main page and scrolled down past the Latest Doujins and the Latest Hentai. Lo and behold, the third category on the screen is Uncensored Hentai. Fuck yeah! There is the good shit that I was looking for.I’m no hentai connoisseur, but I can tell that some of the movies are clearly old. Maybe they’re classics? Bouken Shite mo li Koro Episode, for example, is from 1990 and the animation style is a bit less realistic than the newer pieces on the page. Clicking through, I noticed that there is a big-ass range of release dates on these porn cartoons, at least in the Uncensored section. Most of them are not new.Most of the censored stuff, on the other hand, is new. Jesus fucking Christ, Japan! Get your fucking shit together. You guys make incredible porno and it’s time to get with the times. The Latest Hentai on Hentai.TV is all-new, all crystal-clear, crisp HD with realistic anime animation and extreme depravity like schoolgirls squirting all over each other in a hell of sex demons, but it’s censored to all fucking hell for no really good reason.I took a look at the very newest porn cartoon on the site. I figured the newest one would be a good place to assess the streaming quality. I clicked the Play button on Jitaku Keibiin Episode 4 and was immediately greeted by a big pair of anime titties as a dude in the voiceover talked about how hot this girl's body is. We’re soon treated to a little blowjob montage where she’s bobbing all over a pixelated penis. Or is it a hot dog, carrot, or just a stack of flesh-colored Jenga bricks? I guess we’ll never know.Hot Anime Bitches in Degrading CGI Fuck MoviesI went back to the Uncensored area and tried the newest one there. It may have been added to the site more recently than the others, but it was actually released back in 2014. I guess that’s new enough when you’re trying to stroke it to something as rare as uncensored hentai that includes Bondage, Mind Breaking, Inflation, Rape and Scat. Yes, my fellow perverts, I’m talking about Kunoichi 1: Broken Princess.This one’s a 3D CG porn anime. Like the last one, it starts playing without any buffering or spam. I’ve got a pop-up blocker running, as I always do. There’s some Japanese dialogue in the beginning, but I was too busy typing this to read the subtitles. By the time I got to the end of the paragraph, this CGI slut was screaming as she got her cunt pounded by a huge, uncensored dong.The chick getting raped looks a hell of a lot like Chun Li, and I think that’s the same dress, but I haven’t seen any reference to Streetfighter so I don’t know if it’s a parody. Whatever the case, she’s getting fucked hard as hell despite all the resistance she’s putting up. I guess it’s a little hard to fight off a giant monster who can hold your entire body in one hand while he tries to break your body in half with a literal monster cock.The video is in HD, maxed out at 720. The CG looks a little bit pixely, and I wonder if it was really high def, to begin with. You usually can’t tell with drawn anime, but the CG stuff isn’t as crisp in a lower resolution.I tried to click the Download button beneath the video player after the little whore got her face raped. Weirdly, Hentai.tv tells me to use the player download button instead. I can’t find another download on the player or anywhere else, so I guess I’m just shit out of luck. That seems a little bit broken to me.The broken Download button is the only real issue I found with Hentai.tv. The censorship sucks, but that’s pretty much expected with any porn site in this genre. The site has a decent collection of porno manga and doujinshi, and I didn’t get spammed to hell when I watched the movies. Take a look if you’re into really filthy cartoons that show you what flesh and blood porno just cannot.
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