I spoke to my Sex Advisor this morning, and he told me I needed to get laid more often. Beating off into a silicone schoolgirl butthole while watching the porn tubes is great fun and all, but sometimes you need to stick your ding-ding inside of something live, wet, and tight. I guess I could try my luck at the local fatties on Tinder again, but what if I’m looking for something a little more, uh, professional?That’s where SexAdvisor.com comes in. It’s a killer domain that’s been kicking around for decades, but its current incarnation is pretty fucking new to the Internet. You know, given the timing, I get the feeling the folks who built it are just as fed up with social distancing as the rest of us. The whole point of the site is to help you find brothels, erotic massages, strip clubs, swinger clubs, and other live, interactive adult entertainment. So let’s see if it’s time to end my dry spell.Have You Spoken to a Sex Advisor Lately?Unless you’ve got the setting turned off, SexAdvisor uses your location information to figure out where you are and serve up the most relevant shit right away. For instance, before I even dialed in my location, the site offered up a picture menu of all the local establishments I know and love. It’s noteworthy how quickly they’re showing me familiar venues because there’s usually at least some digging on these sites. SexAdvisor immediately finds the sex clubs near you, and it’s surprisingly exhaustive.How do I know it’s exhaustive? Because I recognize the places! They’ve got the strip clubs everybody expects, like the local Déjà vu and a handful of the grimier ones with a reputation for backroom fun, plus a nearby Asian massage parlor I’ve heard some rumors about. A notable omission is a recently shuttered “Adult Bookstore” that had a gross little glory hole where chubby middle-aged women sucked off strangers. That joint had been operating openly for years, and a lot of folks around here have said it was just a matter of time.By default, SexAdvisor.com is showing you all the local venues. However, if you’ve got some specific entertainment in mind, you can dial in one of the options at the top of the list. They’ve got categories for Brothels, Erotic Massages, Nightclubs, FKK, Swinger Club, and Escort Agencies.I wasn’t familiar with the term FKK, but Sex Advisor has included a helpful little summary of the philosophy. FKK is an abbreviation for a German word, Freikörperkultur, which translates to “free body culture.” It’s very similar to nudism, involving hanging out and doing day-to-day while entirely naked.I’ve actually got a couple of famous nudist resorts within a couple of hours of me, so I expected to see them show up on the list as soon as I switched to the FKK view. Unfortunately, it looks like all the FKK locations they’ve got listed are in different European countries. I have to assume it’s due to some subtleties about the definition of FKK that I’m just not familiar with yet, or perhaps American nudism just doesn’t jive with the FKK philosophy. It could also be a result of the algorithms that have helped build the site; maybe the resort owners need to enter the info themselves.While I am slightly disappointed those nudist camps weren’t on the list, I found out something nice about SexAdvisor.com: the site has thousands of clubs, agencies, and brothels listed worldwide. That worldwide listing means the site isn’t landlocked like a lot of similar directories, and you can use it from anywhere in the world. This will only get better as the site continues to grow.The concept of FKK isn’t well-known in the United States, so it was helpful for Sex Advisor to include the write-up explaining the basics. And it isn’t just the FKK section, either, but each of the categories on the site, from the Brothels to the Erotic Massages to the Swinger Clubs, includes some basic information that will be helpful to newbies of these types of services. This shit is really helpful because, in most places, you’re usually stepping into a legal gray area, so it’s good to have some pointers.At the end of the day, though, it’s up to you to make sure you’ve done your homework to stay safe while getting your dick wet. SexAdvisor is arguably a part of that homework, and this next section will explain another way the site’s so helpful in helping you pay for sex.Reviews from Your Fellow Escort BangersThe first impressive thing I noticed about Sex Advisor was how they showed me local venues right from the jump. Then, a couple of seconds later, I noticed another big selling point: this site offers user rankings and reviews of the different locations, like a Yelp of places where you can get a little paid action tonight.If you’ve spent much time here at ThePornDude, checking out my reviews of escort sites and directories, you probably already know how I feel about this feature. When I see a new escort site pop up without reviews, my first reaction is always, “What the fuck?” I don’t even buy penis growth cream without reading the reviews anymore, not after that nasty chemical burn incident. So why would you hit up a brothel you haven’t heard shit about? It could be a honey trap or just a wretched hive of scum and villainy.The default view at SexAdvisor.com sorts the locations by proximity to you, but there are other ways to reshuffle the stack. For example, if you’re in a bigger city with plenty of options, you may be better off sorting the clubs by Popularity, Top Rated, or Discussed. This is a feature that is only going to improve as the site continues to mature.The one downside to the review setup is that there aren’t many reviews yet as a very new site. Maybe that’s my cue to sign up for an account and start posting comments. Registration is free, but not required. I know a lot of you worry about leaving any kind of digital paper trail, but you don’t need to sign up for anything just to use the site if you ain’t going to leave reviews. Everything is visible without a membership, including all the contact info you’re going to need.And it’s not just contact info, either; the brothel and club listings on SexAdvisor are surprisingly thorough, breaking down the hours, parking situation, and even prices. I really like the gallery photos, which will help you gauge the vibe when no reviews are available. You can tell a lot about a sex club by the lighting and the furniture, even though they usually take the shots when the joints are empty.Like TripAdvisor, But Even More UsefulYou’ve probably noticed that SexAdvisor.com takes the inspiration for their name from TripAdvisor. That ain’t an uncommon branding strategy in adult entertainment, but what gets me is how they have managed to include some of TripAdvisor’s best features in their brothel directory. You can browse by locations, check out photos and hours, see if the prices are in your budget, read what other users have to say, and even see a detailed map that helps you get there.The entire presentation has a professional vibe, and you know what? With my adblocker running, I didn’t even see any spam. That’s a rarity on any free site, especially one without a clear monetization strategy. I’m not sure where SexAdvisor.com is making their money, but I sure ain’t complaining.Really, my biggest complaint about the site is just that it’s so fucking new. That means many of those review sections are still empty, waiting for some John to let us know about his experience with this escort agency, that swinger club, or the FKK establishment down the block. But, of course, as the site grows, those empty spaces will start to fill in, and the whole thing will get even more useful.SexAdvisor.com is one of the nicer directories of brothels, agencies, and adult clubs I’ve seen in a while. It’s completely free to use and instantly shows you what’s available in your area, so I recommend a look even if you’re not actively trying to buy some pussy tonight. Who knows? You may end up having a better evening than you were expecting.
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